Pre-Cana Session 3

Tuesday night was the 3rd session of our Pre-Cana Classes. The focus of this week's lesson was God.  I think I've mentioned this before, but I am not Catholic and I was not raised in a religious household. Though I am getting married in a Catholic church, they have been fine and understanding with the fact that I'm not Catholic. They also never pressured me to convert to Catholicism. I do think it's important to learn at least the basis of a religion growing up and then taking that to form your own opinions one way or the other, so Chris and I do plan to raise our children Catholic. I on the other hand, am still trying to figure out my overall feelings on God and religion as a whole, which is why I have decided not to convert. Needless to say, I was a little nervous about this week's class because of the religious subject matter.

Starting off our session, we were each given a piece of paper and some crayons. We were asked to draw a picture of a tree, representing God. Then we had to draw another tree in relation to the "God tree" which represented our future spouse. Then, we had to draw ourselves in connection to the two trees. I get it now, but it was explained in an even more confusing way and we had to have her explain it probably about 10 times before any of us started. Even then I still didn't get it right because I only drew one tree, but luckily I wasn't the only one who did that!

Here is my picture:

I drew a big tree, with me peeking out from behind a hole in the tree. Then I drew Chris sitting and leaning next to the tree. I explained that this was me peering out, and inquisitive about God and religion. Chris was on the outside hanging out next to God (the tree) because he has already stepped outside and knows more about religion than I do. Corny I know, but I had to draw something and we were given like 5 minutes!

This was Chris's picture.

I was sooooo proud of his, I thought it was adorable. He explained that here the big tree is God, the little tree is me, and he's on the hammock in between the two and I quote: "Just chillin' out and connecting the two." And that is essentially what Chris is doing. Chris isn't that religious of a person either. He was raised Catholic, and went through all the catholic formalities of baptism, communion, and confirmation, but that's pretty much where it ends. However, this isn't to say that he doesn't embrace and appreciate the religion he was raised with. There was a point in our relationship when Chris did express that he would like me to consider converting, and I did consider it for awhile. But when I came back telling him that my decision was not to convert, he understood and was happy that I at least thought about it. I just do not feel right converting if I'm not going to put my whole self into it. I would feel like it's something I "should" do as opposed to something I want to do. Maybe one day I'll change my mind...but right now, I'm not ready.

After drawing time, all the girls went into another room and the guys stayed behind. We each got a pencil and a notepad and had about 5 minutes to write a love letter to our significant other. Of course the girls were in there pencils flying, writing novels, tearing through pencils and writing multiple pages. We could hear the guys start talking and carrying on in the other room after about a minute. These letters were not to share with the class at all. We went back, tucked them away, and can read them whenever we want to: tonight, tomorrow, our wedding day, or even 5 years from now. We still haven't exchanged ours. All I know is that he wrote mine in purple crayon...of course. We're either going to exchange letters this weekend or save them until Valentine's Day.

That really was all we did this week. It was much shorter than usual. They gave us a packet about "God and your relationship" with some questions. While most of the questions are difficult for me to answer, they get me thinking, which I realize is the whole point of the questions in the first place. We ended the night with this prayer:

The prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Are you a religious person? Is your fiance/husband/significant other?

Don't forget to take this week's poll: What season did/are/would you get married in?

Pre-Cana Session 1

Source

On Tuesday night we had our first Pre-Cana class with 4 other couples who are getting married at our church this year. We me at a couple's home from the parish, who live just a few blocks away from us. This husband and wife team have been married over 50 years, have 6 children and 13 grandchildren!! They certainly know the meaning of marriage and have a lot of advice to give us as we enter our married lives.

It was...well...awkward. However, that's not to say that I didn't get a lot out of our first session. The Deacon from the church was conducting the meeting, and he's also been married for about 35 years. To start, he had us go around and introduce ourselves as a couple. After that, we went into another room to watch a 20 minute video about pre-cana. My absolute favorite line from the movie was when the Priest said:

"On your wedding day you should be able say 'I'll love you when you look as good and beautiful as you look today, and I'll still love you when you look like the back-end of a truck.'"

Haha, I want to scoop that quote up, pet it, and keep in my pocket for the rest of my life. I love it.

The video showcased a newly engaged couple, a newly married couple, a couple married with 6 children, and a couple that's been married for 51 years...who were adorable. I actually got emotional because one of the women in our group, who looked to be a few years older than me, cried through the entire thing. But it was just so cute! I could tell she was trying so hard to hold it back and not let anyone know she was crying. She's getting married in March, so I think the reality of the class, the video, her marriage, was just becoming real and emotional for her. She really tugged at my heartstrings a lot.

Yes, the video talked about pre-marital relations. Yes, the video talked about natural family planning, God, and heaven. But at no point were we asked personal, attacking questions on these subjects. At no point were our personal morals questioned. And at no point, was I questioned for not being Catholic. We were there to talk about marriage, and about building strong, lasting relationships. They were there to tell us what spending the rest of our lives together really means, and that's really all I could have asked for.

Source

Before we left, we were asked to close our eyes. The Deacon said the word "love" then asked us to open our eyes, and say the first word that came to mind. Well, the two that immediate came to mind for me were friendship and trust. Of course, the first two people said those words as well, so I had to come up with something else. You know when you're put on the spot and your brain freezes, and you feel like a complete idiot and nothing comes to mind? Yea..that happened to me. I just wanted the spotlight off of me so I said "Fun." The first things that comes to my mind when I hear the word "love" is FUN? Very deep Laura, very profound...excuse me while I go skip through a field of wildflowers. Ugh, I was a bit embarrassed.

However, the point of this exercise was that "love" can be described in a TON of different ways. But what is the difference between love as a feeling vs. love as a decision? Relationships start out with the feeling of love. But when you start to realize that your significant other is human...and flawed, we all need to make the decision to love this person despite and because of these flaws. And at some point, they make the same decision about you. It's also import to make this decision for the right reasons, and that you accept appropriate flaws in your significant other. I believe many people decide to stay in relationships out of convenience, or because they'll be embarrassed if the relationship doesn't work out. These are obviously the wrong reasons to stay together. Our homework this week, is to recognize a problem, fight, or issue with our partner; work it out; and make the decision to love.

They closed the night with this thought: 

50 years from now, you'll look back on your wedding pictures and say "Wow, I had no idea what life had in store for me."

How exciting and scary is that?!

Happy 2010!

Happy 2010, I shall call this "The year of Weddings!"

 (not mine..just everyone elses!)

I'm very much looking forward to the following weddings this year:

The Strassman/Leef's

The Longo/DiChino's

The D'Angiolini/Chalmers

The Todosow/Rodzianko's

Any more I should be aware of??

I hope everyone had a looovely Holiday and New Year's!

As of last night we have booked the church for our wedding! Chris and I met last night with Father Cunningham at St. Gregory the Great in Bellerose. Father Cunningham was a real nice, old man who made us both feel very welcome. Seeing as how I booked this appointment 3 weeks ago and right before Christmas, I prooobably should have called to reconfirm our appointment, but I didn't want to bother him and figured he must make appointments like this all the time. Well...he was a little confused when we arrived, he had forgotten to write the appt. down in his book, eek..whoopsie! But he was there in the office anyway and was available so he didn't mind meeting with us. We sat down to talk with him and went through all the neccessary paperwork and questioning. Name, age, birthdate, parents names, place of birth. We'd chit-chat a little, make small talk and then he led into the hard-core questioning:
"Do you plan on raising your kids catholic?" -sure "Do we have any mental or health issues?" - no "Have we ever been married before?" -no "Am I pregnant?"- no (I thought this was funny because they obviously want to make sure that we're not jumping into marriage before I have the baby. That would mean I'd have to be pregnant for the next 17 months) "Did I ever have children in the past?"- no "Are we both  above 18?" -yes "what's your age difference?" - 8 months "Are both our parents fine with this?"- as far as we know "Do we plan to remain faithful throughout the marriage?" -uh duh.... and so on and so forth.

I felt he was more "inquisitive" about my religious upbringing (or lack thereof) than judgmental about it, which was very refreshing. At one point, he asked me if I wanted to become catholic. I smiled, opened my mouth to speak and before I could say anything he jumped in and said "You're not ready. You need to do it on your own terms when you're ready and that's fine." Phew..I didn't even have to explain myself? This was going great!

I'd say the only thing he kept pressing was that Chris should go back to church more on Sundays. Which really, was harmless. Then, Father Cunningham told us about the In-Home Pre-cana Classes
Here is the wikipedia definition of Pre-Cana:

Pre-Cana is a course or consultation Catholic couples must undergo before they can be married in a Catholic church. The name is derived from John 2:1-12, the wedding feast at Cana in Galilee, where Jesus performed the miracle of turning water into wine.
Approaches to Pre-Cana vary among Catholic dioceses and parishes. Often six weekly sessions will be led by a priest or deacon with support from a married Catholic couple. Common topics include: compatibility of the couple, basic principles of Catholic marriage and family life (namely theological meaning of marriage), conflict resolution within marriage, rules the couple are expected to follow.

Honestly, I'm super pyched about Pre-Cana. Heck...I think that I personally should decide on who is allowed to marry and procreate in this world anyway (as in..actually be responsible for handing out licenses to those who pass my test and reject licenses to those who don't) Sooo I'm all for making an engaged couple go through a five week session before deciding to marry and perhaps one day procreate. If it can cause one less divorce in this divorce-happy world...then great! There is always room for improvement in anyone's relationship or marriage, so bring it on!
Let me explain...I realize we all have different religious or non-religious rituals/traditions/beliefs/ backgrounds/etc. But, I think it will be very interesting getting together with other couples who are planning to get married and just talk about "relationships". Those basic topics listed above are extremely interesting to me, with or without the religious aspects thrown in there: "Compatibility of the couple" "Basic principles of marriage and family life" "Conflict resolution within marriage" I loooove talking and learning about this stuff and as long as I take the religious components with a grain of salt (because that's what I need to do personally), I think that it will be an extremely interesting 5 weeks. If the classes end up being way more religious than I think and I'm the only "non" catholic and they all hate me and smite me....well, then I'll be humming a different tune. It's a little weird because we don't have to take Pre-Cana classes until Fall/Winter 2010 so that's a loooong way off before we even really do anything with the pastor and the classes. But you can bet I'll prob. have a TON of entries when they start up!


To end, I got this facebook message from my 9th grade english teacher two weeks ago:

"Hello Laura - My mom is keeping me posted via mailings of the latest happenings in the Lehigh Valley (I'm currently in NH). I just read your engagement announcement and wanted to send a Congratulations! I wish you both the best!"

What a pleasant surprise to hear from someone from so long ago. And who knew people actually read those engagement announcements?! Her mom must have seen that I graduated from Parkland around the time she was teaching there and sent it to New Hampshire. I love little reconnections like that, they make me happy.

That's all for now...I have lots to update on tomorrow regarding my dress dilemna and may also discuss my thoughts on being 25...what??!!