Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Perfect Marriage

I'm reading "The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Perfect Marriage" which was given to me by our good friend, Chris's (and let's be honest my) former college roommate and groomsman, Matthew Hedge. I'm only 130 pages in of the 300 page book. But it's interesting. I covered the book in birthday wrapping paper so I'm not so embarrassed reading it on the subway. I could just see the eyes of judgment now....

I find this book to be pretty much common sense and kind of feel sorry that there's people out there who really honestly don't understand this stuff. I mean, ok, I'm not marriet yet..maybe I have no idea what I'm in for and this book will be the savoir of my marriage 30 years down the line. Buuut I think for now, we're ok. My favorite part of this book is they have a litte picture of a man every few pages that give "marriage tips from the husband's perspective" (Way to assume a woman is reading this...but I guess they're probably right. I would be curious to know the specifics on the male:female ratio of people who buy this book. Though, Matt bought it for me, so I suppose that throws it off a little bit.)

Anyway, the tidbits today were:

"Make sure I'm not hungry when you ask for something"
I find this HIGHlarious. Such a simple thing and yet so important. However, what I find funniest about this is that in my relationship, it's the other way around. I've always been baffled by how Chris doesn't really get cranky when he's hungry (usually) and he can go for long periods of time without eating. I, on the other hand, need food every few hours or I will be the CRANKIEST. PERSON. ALIVE!  so Chris..a tip for you as we embark on marriage: "Make sure I'm not hungry when you ask for something!"

"I'm your husband, not a movie star. Besides, your favorite actor may seem wonderful on-screen, but at home he probably drinks milk out of the carton, too!"
Well phew! Good thing I finally know Chris isn't a movie star. Now I can finally back off of those unrealistic expectations I have of him and realize that my life isn't as romantic as the movies. This is a HUGE relief. But what I want to know someone out there reading this book going "Ohhhhhhh....I get it now! That tip was so helpful! Why didn't I realize this before??"    ....I mean...there must be, right? Next:

"Please don't undermine me in front of the children. They need to look up to their father as the man of house."
Ok, as bold as it sounds to actually be written out like that...I can understand this request. But why is this just under the "Husband's perspective???" Neither person in the marriage should undermine the other in front of the children. Besides it weakening the child's view on that parent, it's just downright disrespectful. And no one wants rude or disrespectful kids, so why behave that way in front of them?

"I hate not feeling well. I feel like a kid instead of the man of the house. Be extra patient with me and help me feel important."
Oy..please read same statement as above. Look..I'm all for babying and coddling when someone is sick. But who DOESN'T hate not feeling well? No one...and therefore both parties should "be extra patient and help me feel important" (??) Not really sure about the "help you feel important part" but I'll certainly make you soup and tea! AS LONG as when I'M sick, it's reciprocated.

I guess what I'm saying is: Can't we just call these "Marriage tips from a married perspective" ?? I can just see how proud my mom is of me right now.

In all seriousness, as hilarious as this book is, I am intrigued by it (So thank you Matty!) It's reinforced some things for me and I'm confident that Chris and I are now ready to have a perfect marriage; conflict free-no fights-wonderful-all-the-time-never-drink-out-of-the-milk-carton-make-you-feel-important-when-your-sick-harmonious-bliss.

I was reading another wedding blog that discussed books on marriage and there are three that I plan to reserving at the library:

"The Wedding Book" by Mindy Weiss
"One Perfect Day- The Selling of the American Wedding" by Rebecca Mead
"Don't You Dare Get Married Until You Read This" - by Corey Donaldson which I think is just a hilarious title and someone on recommended this book as a great one.

Random, but lastly, I love, LOVE this wedding!

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