Pre-Cana Session 5

As of last Thursday, we have officially graduated from our Pre-Cana class, and are authorized to be married in the Catholic church! Or, we've been "Pre-Cananized" as Chris likes to say.

Our Pre-cana diploma

The Deacon was about a half-hour late to our session, so the first half-hour was a lot of awkward small talk: "Wow...what a crazy winter we had huh?" "Wow...it's so crazy we're all getting married right?" "Wow, how about that superbowl huh?" Gotta love generic small talk. After the Deacon finally arrived, he passed around the workbooks "Together for Life". This gives all the readings, verses, etc. for planning your ceremony. Chris and I got this book awhile ago from the priest who will be officiating our ceremony, so I had already looked through it and picked our readings. Together, we looked through this booklet, went over a few of the different readings, and he showed us how to fill out the packet in the back that will go to the priest conducting the ceremony.

The Deacon also gave us a book on "natural family planning". He didn't go over it with us there...only advised us to look through it and consider it as an option. After a 15 minute break, the Deacon closed the session by going around the room to each of the 5 couples for the "blessing of the engagement rings". Each couple held hands, while he said a short prayer for them over the engagement ring. Then that was it, we were graduated! As we gathered our things, the couple who had been hosting us passed around a gift for each couple. We opened it when we came home and it was a very nice bible:

Our bible

As you know from my previous posts about our pre-cana classes, (Session 1, Session 2, Session 3, Session 4) I did enjoy this experience. There were some nice moments, talks, and worthy things to be reminded of about relationships and marriage. I know that a lot of couples enter Pre-Cana with hesitation and annoyance. However, it's really harmless and can even be enjoyable as long as you both go into this experience with an open mind and positive attitude.

Pre-Cana Session 4

Romance
Monday night was our 4th Pre-Cana session. Last week's meeting was canceled due to crazy weather, so we still have one more session next week when we will receive our "Pre-Cana Diploma". This week the Church's Deacon led the session, and he touched upon a variety of things. First he started off by talking about romance, a fitting lesson as Valentine's day approaches us. He told us a story about a friend who came to him for help after his marriage of 17 years failed. When he asked this friend "What happened?" The man replied "The romance was just...gone". The Deacon responded with: "Then shame on you."

Romance isn't something that just happens. In the beginning, sure...romance is there. It's new and exciting and wonderful. But after awhile romance is something YOU BOTH have to completely work at to make sure it's present in your relationship. It doesn't matter what it is: an elaborate dinner date at a nice restaurant, or Friday night take-out while you watch a movie. He suggested we go out, or have dinner just the two of us at least once a week, (easy to do now, but he means especially when we have children) in order to keep the romance alive. Romance can be rekindled simply by calling your significant other in the middle of the day to let them know you're thinking about them. It can rekindle by sending a cute text, buying a card, sending an email, holding hands, getting flowers and a whole host of other things.

True adorable story: My dad brings home flowers for my mom at least once every other week, sometimes once a week. On more than one occasion, the clerk at the store has asked him "What did you do now?!" Haha! While that's pretty funny, it's a little sad that the clerk assumes something must be wrong for this married man to be buying flowers. Why can't he just be buying them because he loves her!?

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Sacraments

We then talked about the 7 Sacraments which are:

Baptism

Confirmation

Eucharist (Communion)

Reconciliation

Anointing of the sick

Matrimony

Holy Orders

A Sacrament is a religious symbol, or as wikipedia defines it: "A visible sign of an invisible reality." The water in baptism, the holy oil in anointing of the sick....or the rings in matrimony. He explained that matrimony is one of the two service sacraments (the other being Holy orders), because we are agreeing to serve each other in love, and committing to a new and different life together in marriage. The Deacon then talked a lot about each sacrament. This was definitely the most "religious" session we've had so far, but being that this is all new to me, I didn't mind it.

Tonight we are going to a Bride & Groom event at our venue: The Sandcastle!!

Pre-Cana session 2

I'm a little late today on the post! Tuesday night was session 2 of our 5 week Pre-Cana classes. Everyone is very shy and quiet in this group, and Chris and I are no exception, but it makes the evening a bit awkward. The wife did most of the talking, and her husband would interject little stories or words of wisdom here and there. She took us through a packet on this week's theme of "Communication." As I learned from my mother when I was a teenager (probably even earlier than that), and as I learned again this week: Communication is the most important factor in a marriage.

We talked about fighting; about not keeping your feelings pent up inside you to let things fester; about explaining your feelings with your partner; and about the difference between a "clean fighter" and a "dirty fighter". 

• You're a "clean fighter" if you keep to the issue at hand, are objective, keep it impersonal, listen, are honest, don't exaggerate and rely on facts. 
• You're a "dirty fighter" if you don't listen, don't pay attention, spend your time thinking about what you want to say, interrupt, get defensive, attack, drag in other issues, exaggerate, and try to win rather than compromise. 

I'll admit, Chris and I are a little bit of both...it depends on the fight. And both of us could probably benefit from reminding ourselves to be clean fighters. Then, two couples volunteered to partake in a mock fight, to show how to settle an argument...which was funny, but highly unrealistic...at least it broke the ice a little bit.

Then we talked about the 10 rules for a happy marriage.

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10 Rules for a Happy Marriage
1. Never both be angry at the same time.
2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3. If one of you has to win and argument, let it be your mate.
4. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.
5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.
6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
8. At least once each day, say a kind or complimentary thing to your life's partner.
9. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it, and ask for forgiveness.
10. It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking.

This is NOT to be confused with these 5 rules for a happy marriage:

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1. It's important to have a woman who cooks and cleans
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed.
5. It's very important that these four women never meet one another. Otherwise you're screwed!

Haha, that was NOT taught in the pre-cana class, I just found that online. Anyway, we were there for about an hour and the couple told us many stories, both good and bad, about their marriage together and how they've worked through many hurdles.

When we left Chris said “I feel like everything they tell us is just common sense.” Honestly, I agreed with him. But isn't that sort of the point? First of all, everyone can benefit from some reminding and brushing up of even common sense facts. It brings facts that you take for granted for knowing back into perspective. Second of all, we're lucky that this is common sense for us. It means that we get it. We know what we're jumping into and we're ready for it. People get married all the time who don't think this is common sense, and then learn it the hard way. So I'd say it's a good sign that this class is reaffirming what we already knew to be common sense.

Don't forget to vote in Wednesday's Wedding Poll!!

Pre-Cana Session 1

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On Tuesday night we had our first Pre-Cana class with 4 other couples who are getting married at our church this year. We me at a couple's home from the parish, who live just a few blocks away from us. This husband and wife team have been married over 50 years, have 6 children and 13 grandchildren!! They certainly know the meaning of marriage and have a lot of advice to give us as we enter our married lives.

It was...well...awkward. However, that's not to say that I didn't get a lot out of our first session. The Deacon from the church was conducting the meeting, and he's also been married for about 35 years. To start, he had us go around and introduce ourselves as a couple. After that, we went into another room to watch a 20 minute video about pre-cana. My absolute favorite line from the movie was when the Priest said:

"On your wedding day you should be able say 'I'll love you when you look as good and beautiful as you look today, and I'll still love you when you look like the back-end of a truck.'"

Haha, I want to scoop that quote up, pet it, and keep in my pocket for the rest of my life. I love it.

The video showcased a newly engaged couple, a newly married couple, a couple married with 6 children, and a couple that's been married for 51 years...who were adorable. I actually got emotional because one of the women in our group, who looked to be a few years older than me, cried through the entire thing. But it was just so cute! I could tell she was trying so hard to hold it back and not let anyone know she was crying. She's getting married in March, so I think the reality of the class, the video, her marriage, was just becoming real and emotional for her. She really tugged at my heartstrings a lot.

Yes, the video talked about pre-marital relations. Yes, the video talked about natural family planning, God, and heaven. But at no point were we asked personal, attacking questions on these subjects. At no point were our personal morals questioned. And at no point, was I questioned for not being Catholic. We were there to talk about marriage, and about building strong, lasting relationships. They were there to tell us what spending the rest of our lives together really means, and that's really all I could have asked for.

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Before we left, we were asked to close our eyes. The Deacon said the word "love" then asked us to open our eyes, and say the first word that came to mind. Well, the two that immediate came to mind for me were friendship and trust. Of course, the first two people said those words as well, so I had to come up with something else. You know when you're put on the spot and your brain freezes, and you feel like a complete idiot and nothing comes to mind? Yea..that happened to me. I just wanted the spotlight off of me so I said "Fun." The first things that comes to my mind when I hear the word "love" is FUN? Very deep Laura, very profound...excuse me while I go skip through a field of wildflowers. Ugh, I was a bit embarrassed.

However, the point of this exercise was that "love" can be described in a TON of different ways. But what is the difference between love as a feeling vs. love as a decision? Relationships start out with the feeling of love. But when you start to realize that your significant other is human...and flawed, we all need to make the decision to love this person despite and because of these flaws. And at some point, they make the same decision about you. It's also import to make this decision for the right reasons, and that you accept appropriate flaws in your significant other. I believe many people decide to stay in relationships out of convenience, or because they'll be embarrassed if the relationship doesn't work out. These are obviously the wrong reasons to stay together. Our homework this week, is to recognize a problem, fight, or issue with our partner; work it out; and make the decision to love.

They closed the night with this thought: 

50 years from now, you'll look back on your wedding pictures and say "Wow, I had no idea what life had in store for me."

How exciting and scary is that?!